Adult Survivors’ News Story
December 3, 2009 by Diane
I wanted to bring to people’s attention a recent news story sent to me by Gregg Milligan. He, like the rest of us, went through horrific abuse. It is important that more of our stories are told so that the reality that so many of us have lived through is brought to light.
To read his story, go to http://abcnews.go.com/Health/mother-son-incest-rise-report-sex-abuse-agencies/story?id=9209454.
I am interested in your reactions. And thank you, Gregg, for sharing this with us.
This entry was posted on Thursday, December 3, 2009 at 8:18 am and is filed under Media. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
December 4, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Gregg is courageous to have survived, faced/remembered his painful childhood and then thrived and remarkably, raised a healthy child. The story angers me because of the still widely held belief that mothers are angels. In cases where the father is the abuser, who do people think is the person facilitating the lies to society to protect the abuser? It’s almost more perverse because instinctually, biologically, the one who carried you in her womb for 9 months should be the one caring for your wellbeing above ALL other concerns. Gregg has subtracted from the big lie about mothers as being caring entities as a whole. But, children’s instinctual need for their biological mother combined with the unconditional love the lucky ones receive from their mother seems to entrance adults and is often one of their most important beliefs held throughout their life. As one who suffered tremendously at just having gotten nothing from her mother, but who did not suffer the evil torture that Gregg did from his mother, I respect Gregg tremendously for being a positive part of society and contributing a healthy young man to the world. If there is a heaven, it’s made for those few people that have Gregg’s strength and integrity.
December 5, 2009 at 8:26 am
All forms of abuse need to be brought to public scutiny. You are right. We mostly hear about abusive men but not as much about the horrendous damage done by neglecltful/abusive mothers. Hopefully, Gregg’s article will stimulate more discussion in this area.
December 5, 2009 at 2:53 pm
No, I am not at all surprised that there are mothers who sexually abuse their children. My guess is that most are mentally ill. Publically, we as a society seem to acknowledge that men are capable of such horrendous violations of body and spirit. But in most cases, mothers are not only aware of what is taking place, they aid it by their weakness and silence, by providing places and opportunities, and by providing alibis…”The child “lies” all the time. He/she can’t be trusted.” In essence, they abandon their children to monsters…in some cases, fathers do likewise.
Recent headlines about female teachers abusing their male students should have opened more eyes.
I am surprised at the courageous manner in which Gregg was able to be so graphic about his horrific abuse! I must admit I don’t have that much courage. I used to wish that I could forget each and every detail of the sordid sexual and physical abuse I endured, but perhaps that’s not healthy either. What has come back at me with unexpected force on at least three occasions in adulthood, is the tremendous pain, anger, sense of betrayal and abandonment by my mother, and the outrage that I acted out while at the Children’s Home for 4 years.
When I was moved to a Foster Home, I got ahold of myself and modified both my attitude and my anger. This served me better…The Foster Home was clean and well ordered. There were set expectations and duties, and seven younger foster siblings. For the most part, I learned much.
Like Gregg, I married, had 2 daughters, divorced, remarried at age 38, and with my current husband, successfully melded 2 families. I gained a step-son and step-daughter whom I regard as close as if they were my own flesh and blood. My daughters, too, have known only love, encouragement, nurturing, and support…everything I didn’t have but needed, I gave them. We are all thriving!
Negative lessons can be positive motivators, too. We can learn from both the negative and the positive that come into our lives.
I have searched the web looking for a couple of girls with whom I was close while at the Children’s Home. I’m sure they are married. I hope they have survived the conditions at the Children’s Home and whatever came next. I hope they, too, are thriving and happy. It was like losing sisters all over again.
We never discussed our past lives, nor did we share with each other our dreams for the future. Each day was lived in that moment.
I keep in touch with the Children’s Home today through their newsletters. They are now a treatment center with many programs. It is a vastly different world than what I experienced, but I am pleased for the children passing through their programs.
I wonder how Gregg and I managed to survive past the aging out of the “System” process when we were suddenly on our own with absolutely no support system…deemed adults…but with no training in social skills, work skills, an ability to get further education, housing, finance management, etc.
I keep meaning to contact the Children’s Home to see if they provide for higher education for those who age out and if they provide support systems.
How many more survivors of atrocious abuse are there just in our own communities?
December 5, 2009 at 4:25 pm
We all cope and survive the best way we know how. Then, as adults, we have to work through all the trauma we are saddled with. I am happy to hear you have found love and support from your current family. I hope you will keep adding your comments as you have a lot to share.