We Are Adult Survivors of Child Abuse and Neglect

When a child is sexually abused, they normally don’t tell anyone.  When they become adults, they either never tell anyone or wait for years before disclosing their abuse. The primary reason for that is the negative responses from others which is unconscionable. This is what I call the “Brick Wall of Denial.”

The abuser is usually a family member and  has brainwashed/conditioned the child to always protect the perpetrator – creating the first brick wall. And when the survivor tries to open up to people, they are met with excuses such as “get over it” or “that happened a long time ago” – a way of reinforcing the perpetrator’s message that it was really no big deal – creating another brick wall of denial.

Primarily, the reasons for nondisclosure include[1]:

• Fear of negative reactions,
• Embarrassment/shame,
• Wanting to protect others,
• Fear of negative consequences (e.g., losing one’s family), and
• Threats from the abuser.

The types of negative reactions received usually are[2]:

• Disbelief,
• Blame,
• Minimization,
• Ignoring the disclosure,
• Accusing the victim of lying,
• Punishing or beating the victim,
• Parental rejection,
• Neglect, indifference, and/or anger, and
• Avoiding talking or listening.

What is most helpful to survivors who disclose are[3]:

• Belief/validation (being an empathic listener/saying one is also a survivor),
• Not being blamed,
• Socio-emotional support (e.g., being told it’s not one’s fault, holding the victim, protectiveness, facilitating taking about the effects of their abuse, listening, asking helpful questions, have an accepting attitude about the abuse and the victim’s reactions), and
• Instrumental support (e.g., confronting the offender or making sure the abuse does not reoccur).

Survivors of child abuse need all the support they can get. Acknowledging and accepting their disclosure is very helpful and supportive.

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[1] “Social Reactions to Child Sexual Abuse Disclosures:  A Critical Review,” Sarah E. Ullman, Ph.D., Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, Vol. 12(1), 2003.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Ibid.