Discussion With Readers
January 18, 2010 by Diane
I began this website last year for several reasons. I stated, “The purpose of this web site is to provide a national platform to discuss the core issues that impact the lives of adult survivors of child abuse and neglect and to develop appropriate action steps to address these issues.” What I bring to this discussion are my insights from having successfully recovered from my abuse, over 30 years of research into the field of trauma both in therapeutic and societal issues, and a very strong desire to reach out to other survivors and those who care for them.
Over the last year I have gotten many private emails, and it was heartwarming to hear from so many people. But, I hope that more readers will feel comfortable enough to comment on various articles I have written, and will continue to write, to share their fears, hopes, and wisdom with others. That is how we all learn.
I understand, especially for those of you who are just beginning to deal with your trauma and those of you who are grappling with your issues today, that it is hard to put into words what you are feeling. There may be shameful feelings, thoughts that you are to blame for your abuse, and a lot of self-hate. But this website allows you to share your feelings anonymously with others and to hear what others have to say.
I have written on a wide range of topics—everything from providing statistics, to commenting on things in the news, to therapy issues, the media, and others. I am not quite sure which of these is most appealing to my readers, so I would appreciate feedback on that. What do you want to talk about? What do you want more information on?
As I tell my audiences when I give a presentation, we have to start talking openly about child abuse and neglect and the long-term impact of trauma upon survivors. People used to say, “There is no such thing as marital rape,” but when the American public dismissed that claim and started talking about it, perceptions changed. That’s exactly what we need to do with the impact of trauma on survivors.
I hope many of you will respond to this appeal. In the meantime, I will continue writing about issues that I believe will benefit the healing and recovery of survivors. I invite you to be a part of this discussion.
This entry was posted on Monday, January 18, 2010 at 8:34 am and is filed under Polls. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
January 26, 2010 at 4:16 pm
I live on the opposite side of the Ocean, and I hope you don’t mind my intrusion here. Your site is very useful to me, like a plan of a big and unknown town, which is why I visit often. My favourite topics are the ones dealing with practical issues, such as the one on the upcoming Christmas or those about the long term effects of childhood abuse. I had never connected my extreme reactions to doctors and hospitals to my childhood traumas until I read your words. I was also very interested in the new therapy for PTSS.
On the other side, I find the statistics really scary. I don’t mean that they should go unpublished, but the range of family violence is such to make one feel totally hopeless.
However, your perfectly organized information and understanding of what goes on in a survivor’s life helped me understand myself, my reactions and what needs to be done way more than ages of therapy. Sadly, when a therapist knows about the issues less than 1/5 of what can be found on your blog, the survivor is wasting time and money. Actually, this is how I stepped onto your blog. A couple of days earlier I found a list of questions for the survivor who meets a therapist for the first time. The list was writtend by an American therapist of European origins, an elderly lady who, as I read, did a lot of work on childhood abuse survivors. I thought it was very useful to evaluate the therapist and his empathy, but I obviously forgot to bookmark the page. I am still looking for it.
So I was wondering if you have any suggestions on what questions can be asked when meeting a therapist for the first time?
January 26, 2010 at 6:12 pm
You are not intruding at all. This website is for you and everyone else who wants to get these issues out into the open. And thank you for telling me about the types of articles you like to read. I will try to do more of that. You mentioned PTSS. I don’t know what that stands for. Do you mean PTSD? Or something else?
Even though the statistics can be shocking, it is important to let readers know the enormity of the problem. Since it isn’t discussed openly, there is still the misperception that (1) it is not as widespread as people think it is which is totally off the mark, and (2) it only occurs with poor people – another totally incorrect misunderstanding.
One of the biggest problems, which you refer to, is the lack of trauma-trained therapists. There are a lot of very kind, well-intentioned therapists, but without the proper training, the survivor doesn’t get the treatment they deserve – especially as it relates to the dissociative disorders. The new Trauma Division of the American Psychological Association is working hard to correct this, but with the number of therapists in the U.S., that will take a long time.
If I were to meet a therapist for the first time, some of the questions I would ask would be: (1) Have you treated adult survivors of child abuse and neglect before? (2) How much training have you had in treating trauma? (3) How much training have you had in treating dissociative disorders? (4) Tell me about the 3-stage treatment plan for treating adult survivors. (This is written about a lot by top trauma experts. If the therapist you are interviewing doesn’t know what you are talking about, I would have reservations in working with them.) (5) Are you supervised in your work? (One of the big problems is that there are therapists who treat survivors on their own with no consultation or supervision. When they run into a roadblock or are untrained in an area, they owe it to the survivor to get the proper supervision so as to not cause harm to the patient.) (6) What are a few of the top issues you see me working on as a survivor? (If they don’t mention attachment or boundary issues, I would be concerned.)
I hope this helps. Let me know.
January 27, 2010 at 6:12 am
Yes, PTSD and EMDR therapy, sorry for mistyping.
Thanks a lot for the questions, that’s exactly what I was looking for.
January 28, 2010 at 2:50 pm
I am referring you to an article about PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) which I think will be helpful. Although it is written in clinical language, it goes into a lot of depth about the diagnosis. It can be found at: http://www.traumacenter.org/products/pdf_files/Complex_PTSD.pdf. For EMDR, from most of my research, I have read that EMDR can be useful for single cases of adult trauma. Although others may disagree with me, this is what I’ve learned from prominent trauma experts. People who have experienced extensive childhood trauma usually have interrupted developmental damage – they did not learn healthy self-management skills, boundary management, etc., so more extensive trauma treatment is needed. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have problems opening the file on PTSD.
January 29, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Thank you for the link, I opened the page, but haven’t read it yet.
I might be looking for one of those shortcuts that finally make the way longer here, but I was wondering about EMDR….
As a child abuse and neglect survivor, I am aware that the damage to my growth, social and emotional abilities is only partly due to the abuse. Much of the damage comes from the way the family reacts – or rather allows and creates the conditions for the abuse. When children need help on an issue they can’t possibly handle on their own (or to be protected) and the response they get is in a line – “Be quite, you are always causing problems” – their problem-solving training is set on a stand. Dissociation becomes the only possible way to cope with the abuse and goodbye to any hope of standing for oneself. Not to mention the betrayal, and everything else.
So yes, I can see there is more to handle than just the trauma.
But wouldn’t it be good if EMDR could take care of the trauma while a different therapy approaches the rest? I just looks too good !
I might just be fooling myself. Not to mention that I don’t even know if it is actually possible to treat a child abuse and neglect survivor’s PTSD with EMDR. I mean, as far as I could understand the therapy is based on pictures and images….
Meanwhile, thank you again for everything, your words always set the mind in motion.
January 30, 2010 at 12:04 pm
You have made some great observations. I’d like to respond to your question: “Wouldn’t it be good if EMDR could take care of the trauma while a different therapy approaches the rest?” My understanding is that EMDR is one technique that can be used with addressing flashbacks, etc. that are associated with PTSD. I may be wrong, but that is my understanding. Asking if EMDR could take care of the trauma, I believe, is what your question is about. The trauma affects so many aspects of our lives that one such modality can’t “take care of” the trauma. The work centers around challenging and allowing ourselves to be challenged on our belief systems we developed as a child in a trauma-filled environment where our number one goal was to survive. The abuse is a profound betrayal of our integrity, our sense of bodily safety, the roles of interacting with people in a healthy way, a sense of psychological safety, our right to our own personhood, and many other issues. That is what the trauma is, so I do not believe that someone who was abused as a child for a period of time can be “cured” using EMDR. It is too complicated a task.