Comments for We Are Adult Survivors of Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.wearesurvivors.org Thu, 9 Sep 2010 14:37:47 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 Comment on Types & Consequences Of Abuse – Part 2 by Diane http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1592&cpage=1#comment-613 Diane Thu, 09 Sep 2010 14:37:47 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1592#comment-613 When I read what you wrote, I hear the adult part of you that is beginning to listen to your inner child who longed to be listened to and understood but never was. It is good to hear you will be working with a counselor to make your child's voice even stronger. When I read what you wrote, I hear the adult part of you that is beginning to listen to your inner child who longed to be listened to and understood but never was. It is good to hear you will be working with a counselor to make your child’s voice even stronger.

]]> Comment on Adult Survivors’ Attachment Styles by Diane http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=569&cpage=1#comment-612 Diane Thu, 09 Sep 2010 14:31:32 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=569#comment-612 A couple of things come to mind - although attachment issues are much more complex. Your second sentence where you said you are happy but hard on yourself could mean you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. This is not unusual because children who are being abused have extremely unrealistic expectations imposed upon them by their abusers. So, this can be internalized by children as appropriate behavior, thus, leading to self-sabotage later in life when you do find someone you want to connect with. It is a learning process to stay true to your values while also interacting with others, but you mentioned you now pay more attention to early warning signs, and that's a good thing. A couple of things come to mind – although attachment issues are much more complex. Your second sentence where you said you are happy but hard on yourself could mean you have unrealistic expectations of yourself and others. This is not unusual because children who are being abused have extremely unrealistic expectations imposed upon them by their abusers. So, this can be internalized by children as appropriate behavior, thus, leading to self-sabotage later in life when you do find someone you want to connect with. It is a learning process to stay true to your values while also interacting with others, but you mentioned you now pay more attention to early warning signs, and that’s a good thing.

]]> Comment on Types & Consequences Of Abuse – Part 2 by shellyussher http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1592&cpage=1#comment-611 shellyussher Thu, 09 Sep 2010 13:51:04 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1592#comment-611 This is all so interesting and helpful. I am just about to resume counselling sessions next month. It's hard to actually decide to commit to counselling because as a child you may have been reduced to so little that you worry about complaining. You wonder if you are making a big deal out of nothing...that there is always someone worse off than you. Likely there is someone worse off than you but this does not mean that your own issues don't deserve to be resolved. I eventually figured out that I'm sick of thinking about it. I want the past to stay there and stop ruling my life. I'd encourage others to do the same. This is all so interesting and helpful. I am just about to resume counselling sessions next month. It’s hard to actually decide to commit to counselling because as a child you may have been reduced to so little that you worry about complaining. You wonder if you are making a big deal out of nothing…that there is always someone worse off than you. Likely there is someone worse off than you but this does not mean that your own issues don’t deserve to be resolved. I eventually figured out that I’m sick of thinking about it. I want the past to stay there and stop ruling my life. I’d encourage others to do the same.

]]> Comment on Adult Survivors’ Attachment Styles by shellyussher http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=569&cpage=1#comment-610 shellyussher Thu, 09 Sep 2010 13:29:34 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=569#comment-610 I think I'm somewhere between 3 and 4. I am happy with who I am but can be very hard on myself too. When I meet others I think I have to be amazing and entertaining and will be very hard on myself(or them) if I feel I said something wrong. It takes me years to develop strong friendships where I trust, however even those relationships are tainted with fear. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, truly connect. I have a limited relationship with my immediate family, due to the pain that surfaces when I speak to them...though I know I love them. As regards romantic relationships? I am attracted to men who are needy or domineering but am good at escaping a bad relationship before it gets worse. I have now recognized that I'm attracted to the wrong type and have since taught myself to absolutely ignore anyone that sets off tiny alarm bells. I'd love to be with a loving and caring, 'together' man but whenever I meet one, I allow myself to entertain the idea of a relationship with him for about a split second before I start thinking of reasons as to why he would eventually not love me. So basically, I'm happy when I'm alone. I'm scared when I care for someone. What do I do? I think I’m somewhere between 3 and 4. I am happy with who I am but can be very hard on myself too. When I meet others I think I have to be amazing and entertaining and will be very hard on myself(or them) if I feel I said something wrong. It takes me years to develop strong friendships where I trust, however even those relationships are tainted with fear. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, truly connect. I have a limited relationship with my immediate family, due to the pain that surfaces when I speak to them…though I know I love them.

As regards romantic relationships? I am attracted to men who are needy or domineering but am good at escaping a bad relationship before it gets worse. I have now recognized that I’m attracted to the wrong type and have since taught myself to absolutely ignore anyone that sets off tiny alarm bells.

I’d love to be with a loving and caring, ‘together’ man but whenever I meet one, I allow myself to entertain the idea of a relationship with him for about a split second before I start thinking of reasons as to why he would eventually not love me.

So basically, I’m happy when I’m alone. I’m scared when I care for someone. What do I do?

]]> Comment on Traumatized Children In Schools – Part 1 by zent http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607&cpage=1#comment-606 zent Sat, 04 Sep 2010 23:42:37 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607#comment-606 Thanks Diane, will do. Thanks Diane, will do.

]]> Comment on Traumatized Children In Schools – Part 1 by Diane http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607&cpage=1#comment-598 Diane Thu, 02 Sep 2010 12:00:30 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607#comment-598 Thank you, Adam. And, please keep commenting. We all need to keep making our thoughts public about abuse and its impact. Thank you, Adam. And, please keep commenting. We all need to keep making our thoughts public about abuse and its impact.

]]> Comment on Traumatized Children In Schools – Part 1 by zent http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607&cpage=1#comment-597 zent Thu, 02 Sep 2010 02:16:16 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607#comment-597 That's some good work you're doing Diane, keep it up. -Adam That’s some good work you’re doing Diane, keep it up. -Adam

]]> Comment on Traumatized Children In Schools – Part 1 by Diane http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607&cpage=1#comment-596 Diane Sun, 29 Aug 2010 19:12:54 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607#comment-596 When I talk to teachers, I remind them of the home life child abuse victims return to each day, and that they need to be aware of the level of stress and turmoil children live with on a daily basis. That's the reality. When I talk to teachers, I remind them of the home life child abuse victims return to each day, and that they need to be aware of the level of stress and turmoil children live with on a daily basis. That’s the reality.

]]> Comment on Traumatized Children In Schools – Part 1 by zent http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607&cpage=1#comment-595 zent Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:48:29 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1607#comment-595 "Help teachers understand that traumatized children may not be able to express their suffering in ways adults can understand." - This is so great Diane. It's an important reminder, especially as schools start trying to raise standards, that we don't leave behind those who had a bad start in life. -Adam “Help teachers understand that traumatized children may not be able to express their suffering in ways adults can understand.” – This is so great Diane. It’s an important reminder, especially as schools start trying to raise standards, that we don’t leave behind those who had a bad start in life. -Adam

]]> Comment on Obama Not Interested in Adult Survivors by Diane http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=793&cpage=1#comment-594 Diane Thu, 26 Aug 2010 19:42:23 +0000 http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=793#comment-594 That is a very good suggestion. I hope other survivors reading what you wrote will do the same thing. That is a very good suggestion. I hope other survivors reading what you wrote will do the same thing.

]]>